Sunday, January 31, 2010

Round 6

Round 6 began a couple days ago. It seemed to have taken a long time to get the positive opk's this time. It definately wasn't the same predictable schedule as previous months. Have to talk to the Dr. about it on the 17th when I go. Travis will be going to this appt with me. Yeahhhhhh I get to see him for more than dropoff late at night. Chuck thinks the neighbors are convinced I'm a drug addict with all these night time dropoffs. I can't bring myself to tell them not to worry, it's just my monthly sperm delivery. But the looks on their faces...Oh it would be priceless! Last night the temptation to shout across the parking lot "Thank you for my fix" was too great and I had to give in. Tonight I'll behave. I promise.

Thursday, January 21, 2010

Will it ever stop?

So my former IM is at it again. For those of you who know the details from before, this time it's Facebook. I just don't understand WHY? What is there for her to gain from it? To make sure I'm never able to forget how much she hurt me? Come on seriously now, she got what she wanted, leave me alone. Hell will freeze over before I ever give her another baby. I know she wants one. I only hope she doesn't find some other unsuspecting woman to use, abuse & throw away. She's not intimidating me so that can't be her motivation. *Sigh* maybe I just need to accept the fact the woman is off her rocker. I've spoken to the police dept and the lawyer today. Hopefully this can be worked out without me having to file formal charges. She has a job that requires a clean criminal background so pressing charges could really mess with her life. Which would also hurt the boys in the long run. I don't want to do that if at all possible to avoid. I also cannot keep sacrificing my own sanity, children, family and mental well being either. This would be so much easier if I could hate her. I don't. Not sure I ever could. She was at one time a pretty important part of my life. Someone wake me from this bad dream please.

Change is hard

So I went to the last All School Sing that I'll be able to attend for a while with Victoria & Catherine this morning. I'm either more of a creature of habit than I thought or way over emotional. On the way home from it I cried thinking it was the last one. See my 1 on campus class will be Thurs mornings from 9-11:45. All School Sing is 8:50-9:20. I loved going. It's fun to see the entire school together laughing, singing, having fun. The girls come sit on my lap or by my feet. I know getting this nursing degree will benefit the family in the long run. Don't get me wrong I'm excited to get it done, love being in school. But knowing I'll be missing out on little things like this makes it bittersweet.

I'm off to pee on an OPK stick, see what it's telling us this morning. Then get Alexa headed out to go grocery shopping, be done by 3 to pick up the girls. Victoria has ballet class this afternoon at 4:45. Then it's home for a quick dinner of some sort. Maybe pizza night???

Speaking of ballet class I forgot to wash her leotards & tights. Bad mommy!!!!! Guess I need to do that before I go grocery shopping. Someone please make a day longer, 24 hours just isn't enough.

Sunday, January 17, 2010


I have some updated pics of the girls I've been meaning to post.

Alexa and her cousin at the in-laws on Thanksgiving.

Alexa Sept 2009.

Catherine on her 6th bday.

Hubby and Alexa before we went into The Nutcracker.

Victoria Nov 15th, The Nutcracker with Moscow Ballet in Springfield, MA.

Update again

As most of my followers know this last month was also a negative cycle. The previous ones bothered me but this one was by far the hardest. I cried through my whole period. It was a week long reminder that my body had yet again failed. I know, I know it isn't my fault. But how can you not feel that way when so many times you've gotten pregnant so easily. It was all planned to have this wonderful delivery for the guys for Christmas, and for Chuck's bday. To have it not happen hurts. Now that it's almost time to start insems again I've become more determined than ever to MAKE this happen. Travis and I talked about more aggressive things we can try if this cycle fails. Whatever it takes I'll do it. Life has thrown me curve balls before that I've dealt with. This too I shall deal with and come out the other side screaming victory.

Aside from surrogacy life in general is about to get very busy. I have two online and one on campus courses this semester. Please send lots of math be gentle vibes to me. I'm going to need all you can give. This upcoming math class has the potential to seriously kick my butt. Haven't done calculus or trig since high school. Seeing how I was a senior at age 16, am 33 now...yeah it's been a while. Attempting to keep myself from being in debt up to my eyeballs with loans. Took out just enough to pay for tuition, books plus daycare for the youngest one day a week while I'm in class. I am curious about one thing though. How in the world do the feds figure out that darn EFC? Seriously, if I had that amount to just toss out I wouldn't be applying for financial aid.

Kids began winter activities. Victoria loves ice skating. She lost count of how many times she fell on her butt. Asked if she could have butt pads. Catherine wants to take guitar lessons. Found those for a very reasonable price here in town. They're both still taking ballet lessons. Somewhere in all this craziness hopefully there is time for mommy to sleep. LOL

Hubby started a new job. He's enjoying it. Not sure I am. One of his ex gfs comes in where he works. He told me he talked to her the other night. Gee that's great hunny. Yeah she's a lovely girl. Glad she's still around. *note the sarcasm* Thinking I might send Travis & Chuck in to keep him in line. Boy wouldn't I be in trouble for that one. lol

Anywho it's nearly 10pm on a Sunday night. I should get off my lazy duff, finish washing diapers, pick up toys. Housework elves seem to be on strike lately.